Homebirth Collective

One of my latest adventures has been joining the brand new Bay Area Homebirth Collective, East Bay Chapter. Here's the deal:

Many years ago, a group of midwives in the Bay Area started the Bay Area Homebirth Collective, which was a group of all the midwives who attend home births, plus all the families in the area who were planning or had already had home births. The BAHC would put on events of interest to the homebirthing community, and it was a great chance to connect with other like-minded families. Fast forward a bunch of years and not only has the BAHC become immensely popular and successful (much like home birth in the Bay Area in general), but there are now so many families involved that the one collective group just became way too large. The Yahoo group alone has almost 1000 families on it! A good problem to have, I think. So, the midwives in the East Bay decided to branch off from SF and form our own collective, so parents could more easily connect with other local homebirth families. As a new midwife, I was asked to join on the professional side, and as a pregnant lady, I decided to join for personal reasons. I have totally been enjoying both experiences. Our midwife meetings have been great and I now feel fully accepted as a professional midwife among my peers. The event I attended as a parent was also wonderful and I'm so glad to be able to connect with this community.

The first event the new East Bay collective hosted was a birth stories potluck that happened last month. All homebirth families were invited to either share their recent birth story and/or to hear the stories of other families (and fuss over the cute babies). At the last minute, Louis had to work, so I went by myself. :( This weekend, however, there will be another birth stories potluck and both Louis and my brother-in-law will be going. For their benefit, I thought I'd put together a brief list of what to expect. I hope this helps:

What Everyone Should Know About Homebirth Collective Events

1) There will be boobs. Even as a midwife, I'm still sometimes shocked at the number of boobs I see at homebirth community events. The vast majority of homebirth women breastfeed their babies (and toddlers) and just about everyone will breastfeed in public. As a future mom, I love seeing other women breastfeed in public, because it's the best sort of teaching demonstration possible - "Oh, so THAT'S how you do it." Some women breastfeed very discreetly, so that you don't even know what's going on, while others are totally "out there" with nothing to hide. If you've never seen un-shy women breastfeeding in public before, it can be completely shocking. Just a major heads up about the boobs.

2) There will be lesbians. Probably. Each midwife in the community is able to invite all her clients to each of the events, and some midwives are very LGBTQ friendly. Some even offer insemination services at home. The concentration of lesbians at any given event sometimes has to do with which midwives are hosting, which is why you may see lots or none at all.

3) One thing that everyone at the event has in common is that they are planning/had planned a homebirth. The key word is PLAN. Not all planned homebirths happen at home. There are occasionally complications or situations in which the midwife and family decide it would be safer for the baby to be born in the hospital. Some women transfer to the hospital for pain relief during a marathon labor. Others give birth at home and then transport for a complication that happens after the birth. In the end, some women are really upset about needing to transport, but others are totally not. Please try not to assume that a transport is always a bad or hard situation. The great thing about the birth stories potluck is that we get to hear all kinds of birth stories without judgment. You are totally welcome to ask questions at the end of each story, so you can better visualize how you would respond in a similar situation.

4) There will be "normal" dads and families there. Again, the one thing that all the families have in common is a belief that home is the safest place for their child to be born and for their partner to give birth (and a midwife is the best person to help them). But, the reasons behind this belief vary for each family. Some dads are way more pro-homebirth than their partners, for example. Sometimes it's the other way around. Some grew up in hippie families and crunchiness is all they know. Others have a fear of hospitals and medical stuff and want to retain as much control over the process as possible. Still other dads are going along with the homebirth plan for the most part because they know it is really important to their partner. Some families are super educated yuppies while others live in the projects and sell weed for extra cash (seriously). All kinds of families plan homebirths. You will be able to find someone in the group who shares your ideals, concerns, and beliefs. But, even in the Bay Area, planning a homebirth can be an isolating experience, which is why groups like this exist. I love that I was able to leave the last potluck thinking, "I'm NOT a freak after all!" It's a great feeling to know you're not alone.

5) Lingo you should know:
Placental encapsulation - When a midwife (or doula) takes a placenta, dehydrates it, grinds it up, and pours the powder into capsules that the mother takes to help balance out her hormones postpartum. It is thought to prevent postpartum depression and many women swear by it.

Elimination communication - When a parent is so in tune with their baby's body that they know how to time when the baby needs to poop or pee. At said time, a parent will remove the baby's diaper and clothing and hold them over a toilet or other container and either make grunting noises or hissing noises and the baby will "go" on command. This you really have to see to believe. I feel you, though, it's out there even for me.

Co-sleeping - Technically, when a baby sleeps in the same room as its parents. Some people use this term to refer to a baby who actually sleeps in the same bed as the parents (more correctly known as bed-sharing).

No-vac - A baby (or family) that does not have any vaccinations. Definitely common but definitely not the norm.

Fuzzibunz, Thirsties, bumGenius, Bumkins, pre-folds, all-in-ones, etc - Types of cloth diapers. Like breastfeeding, you will get a free demonstration of many types of cloth diaper systems, since each baby will be changed in public right after they're breastfed in public :)

Moby, Ergo, ring sling, maya wrap, etc - Types of slings, wraps, and baby carriers. Most families are not shy about sharing their opinions about how each type works/doesn't work for them. If you're up for it, ask to try some on so you can get a feel for them before you either buy them or add them to the registry, since lots of these can be major expensive.

6) There won't be meat. Probably. Again, it depends on the particular crowd that attends, but most homebirth potlucks involve a lot of vegetarian dishes. You may want to eat before or plan a lunch afterwards if meat is very important to you. I'm just saying.

7) One last logistical note - families will bring older children and these events sometimes have a tendency to get LOUD (you'll start to appreciate how quiet a baby will get immediately as it's put on the breast). Since those sharing birth stories will be bringing young babies, they will likely not show up exactly on time, so expect lots of stragglers who are living on baby time. It is a whole other world.

Yay for homebirth families! See you Saturday :)