Lonely

I miss the Casa midwives something fierce.

Being a pregnant midwife is a desperately lonely experience. The vast majority of the time, I'm totally fine with explaining myself, my plans, my thoughts, etc. to every single person I encounter and answering endless questions along the way. Really, it's totally fine, like, 90% of the time. And then there are days when I just want to be with my own kind, no explaining, no questioning, just love.

It's hard to feel special when I know I'm just one more pregnant lady in the world. I'm just carrying yet another baby who will be born this year. It's hard to want to share my feelings and make a fuss when I'm not exactly doing anything unique by having a baby. But, my midwives make me feel special and I love them for it. I love that I can share with them the moments that make pregnancy and motherhood such a sacred experience and then laugh hysterically with them about the ridiculousness of it all. I will never forget the quality of prenatal care I've received this pregnancy. Regardless of whether the baby is born at home or in the hospital, it has been awesome to have received such respectful midwifery care during this past year. I don't even know how to thank them.

I vow to do my best to make sure each woman I provide prenatal care to feels special and respected in this same way. I have a whole different understanding of what that means now. I guess everybody just wants to be heard and understood.

Some days are just so desperately lonely . . .