Rest and Resentment

I'll come back to the good news and new family post in a minute. For now, I'm all about needing to vent.

Just when I thought I was free and clear from getting sick like the rest of the household, it hit me. Fortunately it's not the icky vomiting and diarrhea sickness, but I gots me a nasty flu. My throat hurts, my body hurts, I'm a big coughing, sneezing mess.

The crazy thing is that all I want to do is rest, but I can't. I've been getting flashbacks of being at Casa and telling women in early labor that they have to go home and rest because it's too early for them to stay at the birth center. Every so often a woman would just stare at me as I suggested they "rest" at home. Oh, duh! I get it now. They probably had a houseful of people and noise and unsolicited advice and nosiness and lack of privacy and tenseness, too. No wonder they wanted to stay at the birth center from the moment they had their first contraction. It's amazing the luxuries I have that get taken for granted. I want my bed back! And if I have to hear one more comment about how the health care system in the US sucks compared to the UK, I'm gonna scream.

To add to the growing amount of resentment I'm holding onto, I am super upset about the fact that Louis and I were supposed to be lying on a beach in Tahoe right about now. His three week vacation ends in a few days and we haven't spent more than an afternoon together this whole time. He's been super great about entertaining the family, driving them all around, cooking for them, and doing his best to keep them out of my hair on days when I just can't take them anymore. Oh yeah, and then there was the whole disaster of a wedding that he planned by himself. He hasn't done anything for himself this vacation and it sucks because we have no idea when he'll get a chance to take vacation again. We planned a mini getaway for ourselves this week, and then I got sick. Ugh! I miss my husband. He's one of my favorite people at the moment and I just wish we could spend more time together.

Along with missing out on Tahoe, I also missed a birth this morning. I feel terrible. I left T without an assistant she knew and trusted. I left the clients without a second midwife they knew and liked. Worst of all, I lost out on several hundreds of dollars . . . that could have been used to pay for all the food, energy, and water our "guests" have been consuming for the past four weeks without any offer of compensation. Ugh, they're sucking all the patience and niceness out of me!

Yeah, life sucks right about now.