Buh-bye Apprenticeship

Oh. My. God.

So much crammed into so little time lately. I don't even know where to start.

This past week was monumental for me. In reality, my big moment was totally overshadowed by the fact that we had more family arriving (NINE people at our house now), there was crazy family drama over the wedding (Louis told the bride she was full of sh**), and we all prepared for today's wedding rehearsal.

But, since this is my blog *sniff* I'm going to take my moment. Drum roll please...

I am so gosh darn proud to announce that as of June 1st, 2010, my midwifery apprenticeship is no more. I'm free, y'all, I'M FREE!!! Two and a half years of working as what could be described as an indentured servant are now done. No more schlepping the bags of equipment and supplies, no more labor sitting for free, no more taking out the garbage and dealing with everyone else's baggage, no more sitting on my hands observing the midwife, no more being criticized for lack of skills, no more being treated with no respect. I served my time. I've proven my worth. I'm done.

On Wednesday, I turned in my key and then got taken out to lunch and showered with praise by my preceptor. I took in all she said, while still feeling like a lot of it came with a ton of guilt on her part that she didn't see me for what I was worth from the beginning, that she can't take responsibility for teaching me all the hands on skill I have now, and that she didn't provide me with everything I needed, even though I gave her everything she asked for and more.

Still, in all honesty, I'm grateful for my experience with her. She offered me the opportunity to see how a successful homebirth practice is run, and what it takes to make it as a respected midwife in our community. Clients love her. There are so many aspects of her practice that I am going to incorporate into mine. I have such extreme feelings of gratitude and hurt all at the same time. I suppose overall it evens out.

Mostly I'm just so relieved to be done. From here, I move on to a new phase of getting my license and building my own practice. I'll be in a weird limbo state of being an unlicensed midwife in the meantime, but fortunately the house full of family and drama keeps me from thinking too much about that.