Support

Lots of great responses to our National Night Out barbecue. Neighbors stopped me on the sidewalk to say thanks. I got phone calls and email from people who thought we did a great job. I even got a bouquet of flowers from our next door neighbor! Everyone was super nice.

And then the questions about midwifery started.

It's so weird how the reaction to my job follows generational lines. The over 80 crowd loves it. The women in their 60s and 70s have such a hard time talking about childbirth in general, let alone homebirth midwifery. I wonder how much of that has to do with the fact that most women in that age range don't remember their births because they had twilight sleep. That was also the generation that was encouraged to gain only 15 pounds in pregnancy, wasn't told to stop smoking, and was discouraged from breastfeeding. Across the board, I get the most amount of negative comments about pregnancy, midwifery, and birth from women in their 60s and 70s.

Women who are in their 40s and 50s gave birth when nurse-midwives were becoming more popular in the hospital and before VBAC really became an issue, and most of them have pretty positive experiences to share. I know, because they always share! Anytime they hear about what I do, they want to tell me their birth stories. I never mind, because I learn so much from them. One of the biggest lessons I've gotten is that most women can't remember all the details of their birth experience, but they ALWAYS remember how they felt at the time and how they were treated. I definitely carry that with me.

Women in their 30s are a mixed bag. In my world (as a doula, apprentice, and now assistant midwife), they're homebirthing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding pros and very proud of it. They eat well, avoid vaccines, do pilates, lead La Leche League meetings, balance professional careers and family, etc. It's not a small segment of the population, at least not in the Bay Area. But then there are the women who watch all the baby shows on TLC, think the hospital is the safest place to give birth, want their epidural as soon as they get there, and generally give in to lots of fear about pregnancy and birth.

Considering all this, I generally know who is going to be more supportive than others, but sometimes I'm really surprised.

This past week, I joined a new political action committee in San Leandro that focuses on supporting female candidates who are running for local office. Because I have to pay membership dues and that money is then distributed to candidates, I have to report my occupation. So, between that group and the neighbors, I've been fielding questions about midwifery all week. I was really looking forward to being more politically active again now that I'm almost done with school, but I'm not so sure. It gets really tiring when I feel like I'm constantly having to defend my profession.

Everyone always asks if I'm a nurse. When I tell them no, my fear is that it tends to come across as if I'm completely uneducated. People ask which hospital I work in or whether I know so and so at Kaiser. When I tell them I help women deliver at home, I think they immediately interpret that as unsafe. And, oh my goodness, when they find out there's no such thing as malpractice insurance for midwives, I just lose them.

So, I've been thinking. I KNOW midwifery care is superior to medical care for healthy women having normal pregnancies. I have no doubt that home birth is safe for moms and babies. I will "defend" my work as often as I need to. I know all my doula and midwifery friends, preceptors, mentors, and clients will, as well. But, what if something happens and I encounter a bad outcome at a birth? As all elder midwives tell me, if I'm a midwife long enough, I will lose a baby. Of course, I hope it never happens, but I know there are many things that are out of my hands and don't have anything to do with my level of skill, experience, or education. In that case, what kind of support will I receive? I know the midwifery world has my back. But friends and family? Neighbors? I honestly don't know.

Midwives have been tortured and killed since the beginning of time. It would be incredibly naive to think it couldn't still happen now. Midwives all around the country are being given "cease and desist" orders to stop practicing midwifery (two in Connecticut this week). Some have been arrested at gunpoint in front of their children. My own preceptor was arrested and sent to jail after an FBI agent posed as a pregnant woman and tried to set her up. She was arrested for practicing midwifery without a license, at a time when it was illegal for California midwives to HAVE a license. After two years and a cost of about a million dollars, the charges were finally dismissed. In the 20 years she practiced before she was arrested, she attended more than 4,000 home births and never lost a mom or baby.

I don't think she would tell me I'm overreacting when I say I'm concerned.

I don't know. Some days it's so easy to become discouraged. I thought the blog could be a good way to explain stuff, but I'm not sure it has worked. Or, maybe it's part of the "I don't agree with what you do but I support your right to do it" kind of deal. It would be nice to know that all the blood, sweat, and tears (literally) of the past three years has been worth it. I really want to be proud to receive my license. In the meantime, I'll just have to keep on answering the questions everyone has and hope the message is received. Maybe someone is listening.

Or better yet, I think I'll go hang out with women over 80.