No Complaining

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted.

I have actually made my peace with the whole Casa closure trauma. I had a really long conversation with A about how she came to her decision and what she'll do now. I know she's at peace with it, and she knows I'm okay, too. I mailed off boxes of treats (aka "love") to the Casa midwives, including L, to let them know they are remembered and appreciated. We are all going to be okay.

Louis says I'm a different person now that I'm back. He says I'm calmer, nicer, and funner to be around. LOL. We celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary this month and we're going stronger than ever.

A couple things that definitely did change after this last trip to Texas was that I came back WAY more grateful for all kinds of things I had taken for granted. Funny how "there's always tomorrow" isn't exactly true anymore. Every morning when I wake up, I remind myself that every day is a gift and I tell myself my job is to make the most of the time I'm gifted. At some point in the recent past, I learned to stop worrying about things I can't control, including what other people think.

I decided I was stretched way too thin, doing too many things to try to impress others, especially with political stuff. Earlier this year, I thought that if I could show political people that I'm a licensed midwife and I'm fairly normal, then midwifery in general would receive more credibility. Now, I honestly don't feel the need to impress anyone anymore. I have absolutely nothing to prove. So, I started stepping down from a bunch of volunteer positions I've held, so that I can focus only on the things I enjoy and feel passionate about. I told R I would no longer be able to facilitate her study group which required me to prepare a lesson plan, drive 60 miles one way in traffic, and devote an entire day of energy so I could earn $20. Yeah, I won't be doing that anymore. It felt great to tell her and even better when she said, "yeah, that makes sense." I'm cutting my ties to things that burdened me.

Most importantly, I absolutely refuse to worry about money anymore. We still live paycheck to paycheck, but we have everything we need. I just will not waste any more time worrying or stressing or complaining about how we're going to pay the bills. It always works out. I'm done with the stress.

In fact, our new house rule is, "No complaining." We are doing our best to only use positive words about every situation. It's dang tough, but we're trying.

I'm still zumba-ing for at least 30 minutes every other day. Still thinking about teaching a class, so I'm getting my routines and play list together. I've been cooking (or preparing) dinner nearly every night for a couple weeks now. I watch cooking shows in the morning for inspiration and lessons, and then Louis helps by encouraging me to try new things and then graciously eating even the dishes that don't turn out so well.

I have way more time and patience for family, friends, co-workers, and clients. I am so happy to say I have found a whole new level of peace in my world. Today, life is good.