The other thing that happened this week is that Olivia is no longer taking a nap during the day. I finally got so fed up with her 10:30 or 11:00 pm bedtime that I stopped trying to get her to nap, in hopes of creating an earlier bedtime.
Our "don't ask, don't tell" nap policy has paid off, since she doesn't seem interested in napping at all, and has gone to bed by 8:30 each night this week. The last couple hours before bedtime, however, are horrendous. It's this drama that got me thinking about motherhood tonight.
I feel like I'm constantly bouncing back and forth between being totally in love with my brilliant, beautiful daughter who randomly gives me hugs and kisses and is so much fun to be around, and then wondering how anybody could *ever* want to have a second child, because motherhood can be such a miserable experience that I wonder why we don't hear about more parents who lose their minds.
What is going on with me? Am I the only mom who does this back and forth? Sometimes when Louis comes home, I feel like running out of the house and not coming back until they're both asleep. When she's in bed and he wants to sit and watch tv with me, I sometimes want to shove him and yell "leave me alone!" It's not about him but I feel like I need a break by the end of the day.
I'm "on" all day everyday and without a nap break now, so there is no catching my breath, unless I let her watch tv, which I then feel guilty about. Will I ever know peace again?
For goodness sake, I only have one child! Yeah, she doesn't listen to a thing I say and will disobey at any opportunity and cannot be left alone and eats cherry pits and wants to look at pictures on my phone every minute of the day and is stubborn as a mule, but it's just one kid. I cannot fathom how parents of multiple kids survive.
My house is always a mess. I'm so lonely. I feel like such a failure as a mom.
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