Naps

It's one am and I'm just now lying in bed. But, wide awake.

I don't know what to write so I'll just spill what's in my mind.

I think Olivia is outgrowing her nap. When she doesn't nap (usually 1-2 days a week), she's asleep by 8 pm. It's a beautiful thing because I can actually get stuff done in the evening and it doesn't take forever to put her to sleep, either. When she doesn't nap and I haven't completely worn her out during the day, she goes to sleep between 10 and 11. I then spend a couple hours cleaning and working before I can get to bed. This is happening most nights and I'm truly exhausted. I'm thinking I should try to avoid the nap during the day but then I get no break until Louis gets home at 6. She wants (demands) my attention every moment of the day, meaning she wants me to sit next to her and do puzzles or get up and dance with her for an hour, or all kinds of other things that require my physical presence and attention at all times. I'm beat. I don't know how Americans ended up living in these nuclear households where one person is responsible for the house and kids all day every day with no help from family. Somedays I would love to live with my parents or another family so I could just go to the bathroom alone, in peace, and without worrying about whether she's in the other room climbing up on a chair to reach the tv remote and ordering porn, like she did last week. Not to mention having help with preparing a meal without her getting into everything or trying to drag me away to another activity. I need the evening time to work and unwind but I also need the daytime break to catch my breath. I'm not sure what to do.

We're hosting another major campaign meeting tomorrow night and we have a contractor coming over to do some concrete work in the back yard during the day. Louis promised him lunch that I have to either pick up or make. It's supposed to be blazing hot again and I have to plan the menu, shop for ingredients, and feed 15 people tomorrow night in a spotless house and look like it wasn't any effort at all. While accompanied by a two year old. Oh, and I just told a midwife friend that I could be on call to attend her client's birth if she goes into labor between 4:30 and 11 pm tomorrow. Good grief.

And the Supreme Court. Dios mio. I'm scared for the world my little girl will grow up in. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.