I survived the midwifery classes I hosted this past weekend. Quite literally. I developed a cold just hours before the classes were supposed to start but echinacea and my stubborn will kept it from becoming bad. Basically I denied that I was sick until I felt better.
The classes were awesome. Midwives! I missed being around my people SO much! The jokes, the stories, the raunchiness, the shared struggle. It felt great to be among peers again. The first day was classes about how to perform a thorough newborn exam and then the risks and realities of attending VBACs. The second day was about intrapartum fetal surveillance and then shoulder dystocia. All basic knowledge about these topics, of course, I learned while in school but that was over four years ago now and it was great to have a refresher. I even learned a few new things. Specifically, I never knew that if a baby is born with any kind of ear deformity, we should suspect a kidney problem as well, since those parts develop at the same time during fetal development and are cellularly connected. Maybe I did learn it, I don't know, but it's in my brain now.
The best part of the classes was having my midwife here. What an absolutely awesome woman she is. A true wise woman and healer. On the second day of classes, it struck me that *she* is who the witch hunts and midwife burners meant to kill off. Not because she does magic or evil, but because she is that powerful. And not only is she still alive, but she has committed her life to teaching her knowledge and wisdom to any who will listen. I become a sponge when she's around.
My midwife is a prepper. She has a stash of medical and midwifery supplies stored away, along with tons of food and all kinds of emergency equipment and supplies. Her straightforward way of talking about prepping is kind of inspiring. I don't know anybody around me who is truly prepared for the effects of a major earthquake, even though everyone knows one will be coming. I'll have to think about this some more.
Anyway, as part of her classes, she kind of jokingly talked about what she calls "apocalyptic midwifery," which is the kind of midwifery we would be doing if there were no access to hospitals or emergency surgery. I've learned skills from her that I would never be able to learn elsewhere. And it's not just by theory that she teaches. She has lived and worked in places where there was no access to hospitals or emergency anything. She managed the thousands of births that happened at the birth center on the border, where women were once so desperate they would swim across the river while in labor and show up at the birth center with dripping wet clothes. She has worked and taught internationally, where she has seen women and babies die from lack of basic things we take for granted here. She also knows that modern medical "care," especially in obstetrics actually does more harm than good for the vast majority of birthing women and their families.
I could listen to her stories all day long.
The third and final day of the classes I hosted was a suturing review for those of us with basic skills who wanted more guided practice. This was the class I was most excited about because I really want to improve my suturing skills. Louis took Olivia out for the day but came back around 2 so I could try to put her down for a nap, since he doesn't know how to put her down if she's not at home. The class was scheduled to end at 3, so I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal to quickly put her down for a nap and then come back to join the class. Except that she wouldn't nap. And the class actually went on until after 5 because people were enjoying it so much. When I finally gave up trying to get her to nap, I found Louis snoring in his bed and I had to sit with Olivia on my lap watching everyone else suture for the rest of the afternoon.
At first I was furious. Why does he not know how to care for our daughter for one full day?
And then I felt defeated. What's the point in being angry? It was just yet another reminder that motherhood and midwifery are like oil and water right now. Olivia is my responsibility. I was embarrassed for a moment because I couldn't join the rest of the class and it felt like everyone could see my struggle and felt sorry for me. I'm super disappointed that I didn't get to do any hands-on practice.
After I hugged my midwife good-bye and apologized for having Olivia there, the three of us went to dinner with friends. I cried. Dinner was good and it was helpful to be around friends.
But I still feel like someone popped my special balloon.
It was so awesome to see my midwife and learn so much from her this weekend. And, it will probably be awhile before I get to invite her back again. *sigh*
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