Grandparents

A short while ago, a friend invited us out for an adult-only birthday dinner and wrote in the email that we could "dump the kids at grandma's" and come out. When I sent our rsvp regrets, I wrote that I wished it was so easy to just dump and go. I was afraid I came off kind of snarky but truly, I'm just resentful we were the only family invited who couldn't drop kids off with grandparents.

I think part of the reason I'm so upset is because, well, 1) I had a great relationship with my grandmother growing up and so wanted the same for O and 2) because it was so hyped up! For the eight years we were married before we had O, my mom talked about how much she wanted grandkids and even set up a crazy cool playroom in her house. Things were great for awhile, but then my sister announced her pregnancy just weeks after I did, and everything changed. "Fairness" was taken to such an extreme that it meant we no longer had the relationship I was told would happen (and the reason we bought our house where we did). I'm tired of being the bigger person. I'm angry and I feel cheated.

Thinking about a second kid makes me realize how little I will be able to count on any grandparent support. With Louis working 80 hours a week, I'm honestly not sure I have the strength to do it.

It's so hard to watch the grandparent involvement that we're surrounded by at school and with friends. Everyone we know seems to have so much help. I'm so desperate for a date night.

Louis' mom (who also begged us to have kids) pretty much ignores O, with the exception of a bag of animal crackers she gives her once a month when Louis takes her out to do laundry. Today was laundry day but he had to work, so I picked her up and I think she got flustered and forgot the crackers for O. The one thing she does. Ugh.

This is such a big deal for me and I need to work on letting it go. Wonder how I can find some surrogate grandparents...