Days 141 and 142

So, I think it's Thursday evening, but I'm honestly not sure. I just came off a 24+ hour shift and I am wiped. As the incoming midwife said, "stick a fork in you - yep, clear juices - you're done."

Let's see, where did I leave off? So, a couple nights ago I had a really hard time working with the midwife who is the owner of the clinic and probably the second most experienced midwife I have ever known (second only to her mom, the original owner). I have tremendous respect for her, which is why I was so hurt that I didn't feel I could live up to her standards and her expectations of me. After that night, I cried, I moped, and I just generally felt sorry for myself. Last night, my favorite midwife was on shift. After the interns finally went to bed, we stayed up to chat. It's always my favorite time of the night. I told her about my experiences from the night before and she just listened and offered me so many pieces of gentle advice and loving reminders about why I'm here, what all I know, and how to communicate with the main midwife. I couldn't have asked for a better conversation. She just totally allowed me all the time I needed to process what happened, explain myself, and ask questions. It was so wonderful. I must remember to do the same to a student someday. Mentoring is an awesome experience, on both ends, and I have definitely enjoyed the best of both here.

We talked well into the wee hours of the morning, and then because she was scheduled to work a 24 hour shift, she headed to bed. We had a client in labor at the clinic, so I settled the student in to work with her and I decided to try to lie down, too. I may have caught a few minutes here and there, but I really wanted to allow the midwife to sleep as much as she could, so I was up every so often to check on the intern and the client. Yep, one of the benefits of being a resident is that you are expected to function on the least amount of sleep of anyone at the clinic.

By the time the sun came up, our client was ready to push. As the clinic came alive with eager interns and the sounds and smells of birth, followed by regularly scheduled citas and labor checks, I managed to sneak off for a few minutes to brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. After the birth, we continued on with the regular work day. It's amazing how much work can be done in a day. The midwife showed me how to verify the skills and "numbers" each student leaves with at the end of their internship. I took on a new job of pulling old charts, verifying info, and updating the intern paperwork so they could start sending in applications for the licensing exam, graduation requests, etc. Verifying student info is so much work! I have even more appreciation for the hours that went into carefully verifying my info so I could finish school and receive my license. Goodness.

Throughout the day, we continued to work together to supervise interns seeing clients, prepare the charts for tomorrow's citas, discuss difficult cases or clients with potential complications, order supplies for the clinic, copy and mail a binder from a recent conference to a colleague, review lab results, clean and stock the clinic, and catch the two babies that arrived today.

To be clear, I was only signed up to work the overnight shift, which ended at 8 am. With my favorite midwife working a 24, though, I just ended up staying and working with her the whole time. That's why I'm here, after all. By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, I was stumbling around bumping into things, my hair was sticking out in all directions, my stomach was growling, and the brutal heat had soaked everything from my sweaty scrub top down to my socks. Still, even after my shower and a quiet moment to myself, I think the reason I'm not already asleep is because I feel so good about today. It was the kind of day that makes me glad to be alive.

I'm imagining that I will spend the rest of the evening with a big bowl of pasta and (hopefully) an actual skype session with Louis. In the whole week I've been here, it feels like we haven't been able to talk for more than 10 minutes at a time. I'm looking forward to catching up with him.

Thanks to the midwife last night, I definitely feel invigorated and encouraged about my role here and as a midwife in general. Life is just one giant roller coaster from one day to the next.