38 Weeks

Still pregnant.

Had a few false alarms this week. On Wednesday, I had tons of cramping and I started to lose my mucus plug. Thinking that the time had come, Louis was extra nesty that night, vacuuming the entire house, including the curtains! I'm actually glad for his burst of energy, since he got a lot done and now our home feels pretty clean. What was also interesting about Wednesday was that I got a bunch of texts and emails from family and friends, and even a former client, who all said they were thinking about me. It was really nice to get the messages throughout the day, and they were so unexpected and out of the blue that I wondered if everyone else knew something I didn't. I really did think that things were starting to pick up by Wednesday night, but then everything stopped. Then, I thought our big thunder and lightning storm would have started something on Thursday night, but nope.

I went to the chiropractor on Friday for what will probably be my last prenatal visit. I always feel so great when I leave her office after an adjustment. On Friday, she did something with pressure points on my round ligaments and then a pelvic re-alignment that left me super sore but feeling very balanced afterwards. I mentioned that the baby is in a good position but is still not very low in my pelvis. She basically said that my body was ready to go but it felt like I was holding back. Yeah, that figures. I wonder if I subconsciously stopped my signs of early labor since my midwife isn't here yet. I also know that the best way to get the baby to drop lower would be to take a nice long walk, which I have actively avoided doing all week. Will I stop holding back once the midwife is here?

I do feel like my body is ready. My mind, not so much. I'm not sure what I need, though, in order to feel ready. I'm worried about money, but it's not like I can do much about it now.

T is generously letting me borrow one of her birth tubs and a TENS unit. I told her I was keeping a tally of all her time and supplies I've been using and that I plan to re-pay her by trading my time as an assist at her births just as soon as I can. She, of course, said not to worry about it, but I can't help it. I have a lot to re-pay and I'm kind of nervous about how many births and/or hours it will translate into and how I'll be able to manage being back at work with a newborn.

My mind is getting in my way. I gotta figure out a way to just relax and let it happen.