Day 158

So, it looks like the Colorado trip is a go! Still working on the final details.

I worked most of the day shift and the full night shift yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to post. It was kind of a rough night. We had two women in labor who were neck and neck in terms of being close to delivering. It was one of those nights when my name was "Jen, can you?" as the midwife and interns called me constantly. At some point, one of the interns who was not working decided to make a Coldstones run and I broke down and agreed to get something, even though I have been so good about avoiding sugar here. When the intern discovered that Coldstones was (unfortunately) closed for good, she headed to Albertsons to pick up ice cream there. Since I had already made up my mind to have it, I asked her to pick me up a small pint of Cherry Garcia. As it turned out, it was a Cherry Garcia kind of night.

I was the resident midwife on last night, but the intern who was on is actually quite experienced herself. Instead of holding her hand through everything, I like that when we work together, I get to be her co-midwife, instead of a supervisor. She managed the birth, which meant she got to make decisions about how to care for the woman and what to do or recommend every step of the way. Oh, long story short, the client ended up transporting to the hospital for failure to progress, meaning that even after hours of pushing, the baby was just not coming out. As you can imagine, we did everything humanly possible to get that baby out here. And so, it's hard for us to see a transport like that because, although we know we did everything we possibly could have, it still feels like a failure on our part. The staff midwives, of course, have learned to deal with this really well. Even I have learned to make my peace with it. But, for the intern, it was a new experience. She was so dejected at the end of the night. I really wanted to share with her that she didn't do anything wrong, that it just happened the way it needed to happen, etc. I knew, though, that in her position, there really wasn't anything that could be said that would take away what she was feeling. It's a tough place to be.

This intern leaves tomorrow and I just hope she is able to take this experience as a part of the learning process, and not a reflection on the type of midwife she is or whether she's competent. I have really grown to like this intern, so I just want the best for her. I really felt for her last night.

Last night was also a great reminder of just how exhausting birth can be. After the post-ice cream sugar crash, I hit a wall at about 3:30 am and had to force myself to keep going. Must keep moving. One of the midwives here speaks only Spanish when she's exhausted, but I'm the opposite. Around 4 or so, the father asked me a question and I could barely get the Spanish words out of my mouth. Weird.

When I finally made it to bed, I was too tired to eat but then because I was so hungry, I couldn't get a restful sleep at all. The good times just keep coming. This work is so brutal. And it's only gonna get worse this week, since we're expecting a full moon soon. Ay Dios.