Day 162

It's my favorite time of the day. It's nearly midnight, I've eaten dinner, changed out of scrubs, and closed myself in my own room to have a few minutes of quiet time. The Norah Jones station on Pandora gets me super calm, no matter what the day was like. I've learned to find bits of zen however I can.

Today was a good day. I fell into bed around 7:30 this morning, after working the overnight shift, managing two births and one emergency transport. The intern who was on with me last night went home today, so I gave her a sweaty good-bye hug and wished her well. I had forgotten that everyone gets tested on their last shift here, so it made perfect sense that we had the shoulder dystocia last night. Especially, since we probably manifested it by studying and drilling for it the other day. She was the sweetest girl and was always so appreciative of the times I spent helping her. We got one whole group picture before she left, which is nice. Since it's the middle of the month, we're in the process of shifting interns around. Two just left, one arrived today, and another arrives tomorrow. The one who came today is from Puerto Rico but I don't know much else about her.

Anyway, A was on shift today, so even though I was exhausted, I only slept for a few hours so that I could come back and spend time with her. Our shifts together are coming to an end! I only have six more days before I leave on my road trip, and I'll only get to work two more shifts with her before she leaves to attend the birth in Utah. I refuse to allow myself to think about it too much, because it's just too devastating.

Aside from saying good-bye to everyone, I am feeling good about leaving Casa this time. After my first trip here, I was definitely not ready to leave, since I had just found my groove at the end of three months. My second trip was a whole different experience, but so valuable that I also didn't want it to end. I'll never forget the pain of having to cancel my trip last fall. This round, however, made so much sense. Everything has really fallen into place now. My confidence is here to stay, a lot of my fear about birth is gone, I learned how to teach and how to take charge, and I developed (or continued to develop) some absolutely profound relationships with clients, interns, and other midwives. I know I've said it many times, but I am so fortunate to have had this opportunity! No regrets, just love.

After my nap this morning, I found out that the other interns had been talking about my role at the shoulder dystocia birth last night. A couple interns shared with A that they were impressed with how super calm I was about the whole thing. A told them it was a sign of my midwifery maturity. lol. I still maintain I was calm because I was a little dense about what was going on. Either way, it's nice to be talked about in a good way.

They also reminded me about the rupture of membranes incident that had us all laughing last night. The client was completely dilated when she started to push, but I could feel she still had a bulging bag of water in front of the baby's head. Some midwives like to break the bag on purpose in this situation, but my preference is to let the bags break on their own, as long as they're not holding up the labor. In her case, there was no reason to mess with it. I prepared myself for what was sure to be a shower by placing a bunch of chux and towels all around and keeping my distance when she was strongly pushing. At one point during pushing I saw a trickle of fluid and thought maybe the bag had ruptured slowly and we would avoid the flood. On the next contraction, though, she pushed and there was this loud "ker-SPLASH" as her membranes exploded across the room. The projectile fluid completely missed me, fortunately, but somehow ended up on the wall opposite the bed and on everything in between, including the boxes of gloves and her chart. The midwife, who had just managed to scoot out of the way in time mumbled, "now that's spontaneous" and for some reason I found this hilarious. I started giggling but tried to hide it, which only made it worse. I didn't want to the client to think I was laughing at her, but I couldn't believe what had just happened. I looked over at the intern taking notes and she was holding up the chart which was dripping fluid, trying to figure out what to do with it. Still trying not to laugh, I looked up at the dad, who was cracking up in the corner. That set me off, and I had to let it out. Even the client joined in, and it was good to laugh together for a moment. Sometimes, you just gotta.

I technically spent the rest of the day off shift, since I refused to put on scrubs and we didn't have any clients. I worked on my project of developing a spreadsheet of info about every single birth I've ever been to. From the clinic's record book, I looked up the detailed info about births I attended here in 2009 and added the info to my spreadsheet. I still have to add in the births I attended this trip plus all my doula births from back home. Once the spreadsheet is complete, I'll transfer it over by hand to my very own birth record book. I can't wait.

Louis sent me a package which arrived today. Among a few other goodies, he sent me my phone charger for the car so I can iTunes/Pandora my way through the southwest, a few maps, and my personal copy of the family history book I created a few years ago. I'm still thinking about what all I'd like to see and do while on the road trip. I think a stop at a used bookstore in the Walsenburg area is a must, as is a visit to the church in Old Town Albuquerque, a jewelry shop in Taos, and, if I can swing it, a stop at Chimayo. I'm getting excited...